The Author of the Fabulous Jewish Journey
As with all journeys- it never starts until you take the first step. I know my first intended step on this journey, but I think the mental journey began long before the physical journey. Kinda like dreaming of going on a journey, but not really planning it out. Its just there in your mind. You visualize a place you want to be. My ‘dream’ per se’ started with my questions of the deity of Jesus.
Before I share my journey with you, I should give you some background. I am Jewish. My mother was not practicing Judaism, but became a christian when I was about two years old. We lived in upstate NY at the time. She started her christian walk in a Baptist church. When we moved to Northwestern PA, we were attending a Christian Missionary Alliance church. By the time I was in my early twenties, she had become a Seventh Day Adventist.
As I grew in my spiritual walk, I can say that by the time I had embraced the Seventh Day Adventist church, it taught me that there are truths to love and hold onto, and that G-d wants us to obey Him and live by His word.
While growing up, my mother taught me to love G-d and Jesus and to live each day the way Jesus would want me to, so that I will go to heaven someday. We went to church every time the doors were open and surrounded ourselves with only like minded people, and read only permitted texts as per each church taught along the way. Anotherwords, this was my life. We didnt live vicariously and seek G-d only when in trouble. We weren’t pew warmers. My belief system was my life.
When I was about 7 yrs old, a lady at the Baptist church whom was a missionary in Africa came back on a furlough or some type of leave. I liked her a lot. She had good stories. She even gave me an African purse that looked like a tea kettle basket kind of thing. I cherished it well into my late twenties, at which time, my dog, Trooper, a Samoid, ate it!
In my teen years, I stopped being ‘active’ with my church. I still went with my mom, but my mind was somewhere else. I became interested in the occult. Wiji boards, seances and the like. When I was nineteen, I decided to start reading my bible again and decided I wanted to go to Israel on a Holy Land Tour. I never did get to go, but that is when I started questioning my life, the meaning of life, and what am I looking for…?
By my mid twenties, my “I wanna be a missionary” thoughts came back, only this time, after seeing the Inn Of Thew Sixth Happiness movie, I changed my mind about the location. This time I wanted to go to China instead of Africa.
Within the Seventh Day Adventist church, a position for a Colporteur came up and I applied. I was interviewed and wanted this really bad. If I couldnt be a missionary in Africa or China- I’d be one right here in the USA- in North Carolina! Instead the position was given to a bored housewife of a Marine. I was mad about it. She was very soft spoken and here I was- on fire for the L-rd! How could they do this???
Not too long after that, my own children, didnt have a Sabbath school teacher anymore, so I asked our small SDA church about teaching. My children and two others were the only children in the class, and one of the other of the two children screamed bloody murder all the time and his mother had to sit with him constantly and play with him. Again the SDA church chose the mom who had to sit with her child to entertain him as the Sabbath school leader. Another, otherwise, bored housewife of a Marine.
I decided to just sit still and watch things for a while. As I was quiet during this time period of my life, I watched the pastor dis-fellowship a man for having his restaurant open on Sabbath. I also had a lady tell me that the SDA church replaced Israel. “We are ‘spiritual Israel'”. It didnt make sense with me, but I must admit, I was just a sheep.
Over time, I ended up moving to Western North Carolina so that my children could attend an SDA academy. I met a pastor whom starting teaching some things in a Hebraic perspective. He was an SDA pastor, and an extremely wise man who presented well. He ended up moving away though.
I went through some unspeakable things in my life after moving there. Things that left me distraught and so discouraged I was contemplating suicide. I begged G-d to show Himself to me. One night I was asleep and had been contemplating something particular, which later I found out would have really jeopardized my family and myself a great deal. While asleep that voice I cannot describe, and will never forget, spoke to me. I sat straight up in my bed and thanked G-d for giving me an answer, though I did not ask for an answer really. A few weeks later, I met a man in a christian bookstore. He was an employee. We started talking and he said “my wife and I are celebrating our one year anniversary. We were married by the magistrate, but are doing a Jewish wedding (Messianic) this Friday, would you like to come?” Well for some reason it really struck me- I have been to very few weddings, but never a Jewish wedding so I said yes! I was so excited.
Around this time, there were yet again, many hurts by people whom called themselves Christians.
After the wedding, the Messianic Pastor talked to me for a long time. Our theology was different, but I recognized that he still knew a lot that I wanted to know. I began immediately after that to go to messianic services. I was so excited about all I learned that I bought books and studied. I honestly felt like a new person. Soon after, I decided to go through a program to be a messianic rabbi.
A few years later, I became active on FaceBook. I had almost five thousand friends. I began to see a lot of what I call ‘messi’ stuff amongst those acquaintances. I was discouraged in that arena of people as no-one who was ‘messianic’ would listen to anyone. Most had their own ideologies and even strange theologies. They were anti rabbinic, anti talmud, anti torah, some even hated Jews. I couldn’t believe it! Some followed polygamy, karaite Judaism, Hebraic Roots, many challenged the calendar, some called Jewish people the synagogue of satan, some said the Jewish people were not ‘real’ Jews but Khazars. The list went on and on. There were Hebrew Israelites whom declared real Jews were black Africans. And on it goes. I met them all.
My journey started around this time and online. And so did Ba’al teshuvah!
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My Fabulous Jewish Journey 